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Never a Full Moment

by Kevin H. Dixon

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1.
Hard Town 04:28
Where you think that you're running to? Where you think you're gonna hide? Where you going dressed like an octopus? Where you going to cry cry cry? Hey what you got in the suitcase? What you doing with that? What you want is a fruitcake. What you lost is a fact, and a cold one. As cold as it gets. No they don't come any colder. Common sense says you won't be back, but I'm willing to bet you'll knock em all dead right there in their tracks with only half of a glance. You're so bad! Why are you preaching the gospel? Why are you calling me names? Why you launching the football? Why are you covered in shame shame shame? How far are you intending on taking this? How long until it isn't so pretty? How much will be enough to forsake me? How many dreams of ours have taken a hit? What a pity! And I'm so sorry, for just how badly they bit it. Oh no we're not involved, we're only up to our necks. If there is one thing that I can still recollect- This is a hard town, where nobody wants you. Yes it's a hard town, where nobody cares. Because nobody ever cared about them. No I don't know what got into you, but I'm willing to guess 99 in 100 say we all love you to death. You're so special! When will we see the apocalypse? When will we rise up to heaven? When does the beat reach into the abyss? When is it all going to end? I'm not ready! Will you always be wigging out? Will you never have a peaceful mind? Will you take me to your house? Will you always be mine? I don't think so! But what do I know, I'm not an expert on anything. Oh no we're not in love, we're only going insane. Going where nobody shares, unless they got something to gain. Here in a hard town, where nobody wants you. Yes it's a hard town, where nobody cares. Yes it's a hard town, where nobody loves you. You picked a bad place not to have any friends. This is a hard town, even keeping with your low expectations. You picked the wrong guy to exceed any of that. This is a hard town, where nobody needs you. You picked the wrong time to be by yourself.
2.
I know that it's hard and that you did your best, and I hope that someday it will be enough. Ain't nobody here wants you to go. We just want you to sit, and cool down a bit. Everybody knows it makes you upset when you had a new plan, and then it happens again. What the hell might as well go for broke, cuz you're already shattered. Ain't nobody here thinks it's a joke. No we ain't gonna laugh, but you have to admit- Sometimes it hits so close to home, it's so right on the nose, that it gets you to choke. But that's how it goes, and that's how it's always gone, and it's always gonna be that way. Don't I know it, you certainly deserve more, but it's always gonna be that way. How can we try to cope with the trials and the romans with a thorn in our side the size of that one? What do you really want to establish? That you were here? That you were weird? Cuz it doesn't take a fool to unhinge it. Going out on a binge. Can I take you out on a limb? It's a bonus that nobody asked for and it's always gonna be that way. It's a hoax! It's a phony! It's a ripoff! And it's always gonna be that way. It's not fair. You don't have to like it. I don't know who does, but it's always gonna be that way. It's so gross. It doesn't have any feelings. And it's always gonna be that way. Even though we can't win to give up is a sin, so we just go on getting hammered.
3.
Look at you there in the corner, looking bout as hot as it gets. I'm so sorry to bother you, but you're making me sweat. Wish that I had something to tell you. I wish I could recall how to speak. Lord what I wouldn't give for an instant, just a glimmer, catch you looking at me. Are you ready for this? Cuz I'm coming in for a landing. I hope you got room for it, cuz I'm coming on in for a landing. I'm coming in. You'd best get out of the way. Once you get resigned to the comforts I'm telling you- Ain't no other way you can live. C'mon give it a try cuz you know that you'd like to, cuz I know I could get used to this. If it takes me all day now. If it takes me all night. I will do it again and again and again until I get it right so right. Do you need somebody to visit? Cuz I'm coming in for a landing. Hey are you open for business? Cuz I'm coming on in for a landing. Yes I am. When the trees start looking mighty close, and the only way out is the hard way to go. Don't look down, don't you turn around. You can call me the breeze cuz I like it when it blows. Won't you look into my eyes? Can you try to describe what are you seeing in there? Not much! Getting under the gun won't you set it to stun. Take the best shot you got if you dare. Please won't you tell my mama I love her. Tell my daddy hope he understands. Tell everyone I have finally come to decide, gonna leave you for another man, yes I am. No I don't know where I'm going, so I'm coming on in for a landing. I can see the lights and they're glowing, so I'm coming on in for a landing. Yes i am! You can keep all my bullets, but won't you give me three steps. I'm coming. I'm coming in. I'm coming in for a landing.
4.
One More Day 03:36
I simply cannot function while you're pressing all my buttons. I'm gonna hide the remote, and put it someplace where you'll never find it. There are far too many interruptions to take part in this discussion. Put you on silent mode. It's so quiet, waiting for you to notice. Another day without me can be whatever you want it to be. One more day, you'll be free. Go be whatever you want you to be. I hope you take precautions. Please be careful where you're walking. I'm gonna cry all the way home. That's assuming that I ever get there. Another day without me can be whatever you want it to be. One more day, you'll be free. Go be whatever you want you to be. Go be whatever you want you to be.
5.
Honey Don't 04:55
So good to see you. Glad you're out and about. Cuz everyone's asking- How have you been? Are you doing OK? I don't know what to tell them. I don't know what to say. Honey don't- Don't you be so frightened. You don't have to escape. Honey don't- Don't you feel uninvited when nothing is happening anyway. I want to help you. I want to be your friend. I'm not the only one. I wish I could tell you, that where you are seated wasn't as far away from the real concept as you can get. I hope you're alright, and life's treating you decent. I'm more than aware just how rarely the stars tend to cooperate. They're heartless enough. They don't need any assistance. Heaven forbid it should just snap into place. Honey don't-Don't get over excited, cuz it isn't that bad. Honey don't- Don't let it tip the whole world on it's side dear. There ain't no tipping it back. I wish I wasn't so careless. I wish I wasn't so free. I wish I'd held you a little longer in my arms. But I couldn't hear it. No I couldn't see. But nobody could have predicted what was to come. What is it like to be you? What's going on inside of there? Along with all of the right moves. Along with all of the errors. Where nothing makes sense. Be that as it may- You and I both know that you got what it takes.
6.
It was running in a circle. So I put it in a box, It just kept running in a circle. So I put it in a box. And now it's still running in a circle, just a smaller one. And it's moving too fast. And it just keeps getting faster. And if it doesn't slow down it will drill through to the ground, and just keep on going until it comes out again on the other side of yet another much larger fucking circle. Tell me what does it take to break out of the chain? Why doesn't it ever think to spin the other way? And if I'm running in a circle, please don't put me in a box. And if you're running in a circle, I won't put you in a box. Cuz we're all out of boxes. Wherever you wind up, despite your current location, there ain't no other option than to roll with the rotation.
7.
Baby I don't get you. Can you help me understand? What did I do that was so bad that you ain't ever coming back? I know I don't deserve you. I know I'm not worth much. Sometimes it's hard to tell though, just who put up with what. Tell me what I don't know. It could fill a thousand books. But if I know one thing- There ain't nothing like it looks. You don't have to jump off the mountain. You don't have to clean up your room. Don't have to factor it in on my account. Don't have to tell anyone what you're doing. Cuz we're gonna get high. As high as we want to. High as we can get. You can be as lost as a treasure. You can be as thick as a brick. You can pare it down to the measure. You can have anyone that you pick. Cuz we're gonna get high. As high as we want to. High as we can get. And we're not coming down. No we ain't coming down. I got something I can take with me on my dying day. It keeps me happy, got to be your little baby for awhile. Ain't no getting over you. Your blue eyes left me destitute. Oh yes they did. But I just can't thank you enough for all of the days you didn't call my bluff. What's wrong with you? What's wrong with you? Maybe I'm just messing- Messing with my mind. Every time I think about it, I just wanna die. Once we never dreamed it. Then we couldn't part. Now that it is over, runners take your mark.
8.
What's your name? Where you from? Where do you go when you go out? You're a star. You're a dynamo. Don't you ever stop. Well the tides just gonna continue to rush in. Like the cold wind just keeps on blowing right through your coat. Here they come! Hey Barbara, they're coming to get you! So you might wanna run to the nearest Dollar Store you can find. Hey hey Barbara, they're coming to get you! And there's nothing we can do to get them to change back in their minds. You're in charge, but they don't know. You're the boss, don't you ever quit. You're a shark. They're just dominos. Knock em down. Don't you ever miss. Cuz here they come! Lookout Barbara- They're coming to get you!!! And they're moving so slow you can hardly detect that they're there. Oh my Barbara, they're coming to get you, and they're smelling so bad you can hardly catch your breath. Don't let them bite. Don't let them touch you. Don't let em win. Don't even let them come near. Because you're the one I was counting on to keep me safe from all the chaos that is raging out there.
9.
Compost 05:25
Put on your clothes, although there probably ain't nobody coming over. But if it's all the same, think we should try to get out of bed. Go your own way. If all you ever wanted was a divorce- That I can understand. I don't think that I can allow you to do that thing. Or be that way. I don't think that I can empower you to get me to sing. How could you be so mean? Oh yes we can! But I don't think that I'm gonna like it. But that's OK. I had it coming to me. We can let it stand, but I don't even know what it's there for. I don't even remember its name. Hey hey hey hey! Well that's my mistake. You can die, die along with all the gripes that confound you. Or leave em to rest, and get on with it. Life- Like it's got nothing to do but surround you with all of the shit just to set you adrift. You can always claim that the only thing you could count on was to be ignored. While all your power was drained. But you can't say that you never thought of spitting in the mirror at the end of the day. Hey hey hey hey. That's just what I think. I didn't know you had it within you to be so calm yet be so crazed. I thought that all I had to do was continue to keep it installed, give you more of the same. Keep on playing it cool, while your best friend is looking like a scarecrow. Too bad for him! Too bad for all that he should have been. You gotta give it up. You have to admit it wasn't all bad. Until the very end. You take the compost to the coop. You take the compost to the coop goddammit! Get off the phone cuz I got something I should report. Let the record show. I know that it's wrong, but all I ever wanted was the least work. Now that's my only goal. I like to set my sights low. I like to set my sights low!
10.
If anyone knows. If anyone understands. If anyone does. If anyone can. I let you concede. I let you confess. I let you walk free, I left you for dead. I let you fuck up. I let you succeed. I left you enough. I let you believe. Your only friend, your only fighter, can only pretend he's got a shot at the title. I don't like how you pry. I don't like how you press. I don't like how you eat. I don't like how you dress. I don't like how it goes. I don't like how it grates. I don't like how it shocks. I don't like how it shakes. You're always saying- Don't care who gets clobbered. You're only playing cops and robbers. And you're ahead now, so why don't you quit? I don't want you to think. I don't want you to guess. I just want you to sleep. I want you to rest. I want you to breathe. I want you to smile. I want you to laugh. I want you to get wild. You're well on your way. Do we have any takers? You're only playing rock scissor paper. And you're ahead now. So why don't you quit?
11.
I can't wait till I get it together. No I can't wait until I get it together. In the meantime, I'll be performing in no proportion to the demand. Watch me cobble. Watch me tinker. Getting nothing done as slowly as I can. I can't wait until I get it together so that you'll be mine. And I hope that someday, as if by magic, all my troubles will succumb to my neglect. It's never worked before, not ever so slightly. This time ain't any different I suspect. No I don't want you to think that I can't do anything. But I could use a little help. Maybe you're the spring that finally brings me poking through my shell. Something tells me, if I hold still, that the bastards might just pass me and find someone else to kill. I'm not sure why I can't figure out what I know well. How I could probably die for you, but can't seem to lift a finger to do anything for myself. No I can't wait until I get it together. I can't wait until we're together. I can't wait.
12.
Covid 19 03:07
Everybody clearly heard you knock on the door but who asked you to let yourself in? Everybody kinda hopes you're not really there but they have to admit who they're kidding. We're all getting too friendly, people like the idea you don't want nothing to do with them. Everybody kinda thinks you'll give em a pass, but they have to admit who they're killing. Oh-oh- Covid 19 I don't like how you're looking at me. oh ohhh Covid 19 won't you find someone else to mistreat. Don't come for me please head some other way. I haven't the time or the patience. Don't you stand so close leave me out of your ghosts. I'd rather not get caught up in your vengeance. ohoh Covid 19 don't you put on that red dress tonight. Oooh ohhhhh covid 19 please don't make me take part in your blight. Goddamn you dawn of the delta. Was that a flower that you melted? Don't you go put one of those on my grave/ Let me go on. I'll be content to let you make me your slave. Can you make up the difference between all that you want, and what you can reasonably expect? Call off the attack let the boys all come back. They can catch you on the flipside instead. ooh o' Covid 10 don't let me fall inside of your grip. O' ohhhhh covid 19 you won't have anyone left to infect.
13.
You're really missing the magic. How many washing machines? Gavin's on the drums. Will it take to get you clean? Washing machines to get you clean! How many washing machines will it take to get you clean? An amazing machine. Gavin's on the drums. He's gonna turn that nightmare on. Gonna wait for you on the doorsteps. The sun comes down behind you. With boots on. Cuz Gavin's on the drums. Wait for you with boots on. Don't you know that the sun comes down behind you. Don't be a fool. Gavin's on the drums! Gonna turn that nightmare on. The sun comes down behind you. Many places I find you. You're a dick! Make your way through it. In many ways I find you. The sun goes down behind you. In many ways I'll find you. The sun goes down behind you. The sun goes down.

about

While my last release fRETCH covered about 3/4ths of a year, winter 2020 to early summer 2021, Never a Full Moment is all recorded late summer 2021 through the fall of that year. Production at the Hit Factory has increased to the point where songs are being written in "real time." Had an awkward encounter at the Mdou Moctar concert at Motorco? Go home and write a song about it. Record it all that night. Immediately forget how to play it. My musical endeavors become less therapy sessions, and more entries in a diary or journal, which is I guess still pretty good therapy. I think my mood has continued to improve here. Still not great, still mourning the past, still upset and confused by the present, but I got a sense of landing on my feet after a lot of craziness. I'm interested in what might happen next again, instead of dreading it. A cautious optimism, but optimism nonetheless. The tapering off of self pity frees me up to write songs that consider other people actually have feelings too. I can finally do that gay southern rock pastiche I've always wanted to try! I can dabble in previously taboo subjects such as hope and joy and stop being such a sourpuss all the time. But if you want to hear what it sounds like when I'm in a good mood, you'll have to wait until the next album, written and recorded last winter. I'm still kinda lost in the woods here on "Never a Full Moment" but starting to believe there's a way out. Thanks for listening and thanks to everyone who helped out!

credits

released October 14, 2022

Groves Willer- percussion
Brian Walker- vocals, some lyrics
Ron Liberti- vocals
Ben Felton- bass
Me- all the hard stuff

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Covid Charlie's Demo-lution Chapel Hill, North Carolina

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